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Finding my Inner Don Draper

I find this email in my inbox from my wife the other day….

Does the man in your life need a bit of polishing up? We have the answer for you! Our stylists have been inspired by the cool styles of Mad Men and have created great looks for the modern guy. This month Barberia is offering a Mad Men Makeover package at an exclusive price. It includes everything your man needs to go from dud to stud in one appointment!
And once he is looking great, enter him into our Make Over Contest for a chance to be named Hottest Makeover & win one of three great prizes (and bragging rights, of course).
+ cleanse & cut + high shine color enhancer (or gray coverage) + b.e.n.n. + facial hair design + styling product

$145  now only $80 (save almost 50%)

At first I’m perplexed.   Makeover? I keep the haircuts high and tight. No beer belly. I even own a v neck black shirt. I’m the after picture! Then it hits achilles heel.   The gray hair. I’m a walking advertisement for Just for Men..the before picture. Ironically after sporting gray hair for over 20 years now I’ve   finally felt like I’ve grown into the look. Gray hair at 20 – freak of nature. Gray hair at 41 – distinguished. Apparently my wife is not yet ready to be married to distinguished. She wants a Mad Man.

After further contemplation I’m impressed by her subtle move. Lure me into a trance by affiliating a call to action with one of my favorite TV shows. Embrace my inner Don Draper, the antagonist hero of a 1960’s man as portrayed on Mad Men. But why stop at hair coloring? This is more than that. She is telling me to live a Don Draper life. A Don Draper takes it for granted that he will have a solid coif of jet black hair which would not dare stray out of place until the day he dies. That is wasted energy. He’s more concerned at the moment   that the bottle of bourbon in his corner office is over half empty and it’s only Tuesday afternoon and his secretary just turned 25. Time for a younger   secretary. He’s also annoyed that it’s 11am and he has not put anyone at the office in their place or rallied the team that indeed we’re going to win that new advertising account we are pitching. Because in a Don Draper life you always win the new advertising account you are pitching.

Instantly I take a broader assessment of my life. Don Draper does not do school drop off or pick up with the kids and if you tried to put a crossing guard vest on him Don Draper would punch you right in the face. Don Draper loves his kids but he’s never changed a diaper in his life or dealt with a “pee out”. His kids know  you don’t wake up a Don Draper when he’s sleeping unless the house is burning down but a house would know better than to do that. Don Draper laughs at triathletes. His 3 sports are boozing, skirt chasing and glaring. He’d light up a cigarette, take a long pull and blow the smoke in your face when you tell him you’re heading to Yoga class. Namaste that!

Don Draper does not sit down with his wife with the calendar and plan his weekly guys night out to make sure it does not conflict with her schedule. Every night is guys night out until he says otherwise. Don Draper does not have a Facebook account. He has a little black book and he “Friends” about 3 new ladies a month on average. Don Draper does not write a blog. He dictates his musings into an 8 track tape and has his new 20 year old secretary transcribe it for him.

Inspired I seek out my wife and thank her for inspiring me to take a new lease on my life and life the Mad Man life she so wants me to embrace.

She throws a box of “Just For Men” into my lap and says get over yourself already. And think about what you want to make for dinner. It’s girls night out.

Here’s how the hair in a box experiment turned out. Don Draper does not approve

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